This weekend sees the thrilling climax of the unexciting 2024 MotoGP season. Tremendous Spaniard Jorge Martin sits 24 factors forward of the beard of the present champion Pecco Bagnaia giving the Primark Ducati rider a transparent benefit.
So how can Bagnaia steal away the championship? Dishonest!
Now the Bolognese primarily based staff should not afraid to bend the principles occasionally to realize an unfair benefit. Nonetheless to claw this sort of lead again Ducati must take inspiration from their fellow Italians – Ferrari F1! And we’re speaking the complete on “Michael Schumacher & Ross Brawn” years.
So we at MGPN have compiled an inventory of the highest six methods Ducati may cheat their technique to victory – which is the sweetest sort of victory!
Tyres
Tyres completely suck in MotoGP. Michelin have helped make this season the worst in residing reminiscence because of their overheating black ring of nonsense thinly disguised as a entrance tyre.
But it surely’s not solely their crappy entrance tyres that may destroy a MotoGP race because the give up monkey agency even have a constant behavior of offering inconsistent high quality. For unknown causes any rider can find yourself with a race-ruining ‘duff one’ at any level over the weekend that may successfully smash his race – or in Joan Mir’s case make him fall off even earlier.
However what if a duff tyre was ‘by chance’ offered to Jorge Martin on race day? It conveniently ‘accidently’ occurred final 12 months to the Spaniard when he was attempting to win the championship from Bagnaia. On the time Pecco mentioned that duff tyres weren’t a factor…until he acquired one.
Can lightning strike twice in Martin’s groin? An enormous bag of money and a vat of coq au vin dumped exterior Michelin’s HQ may assist this random occasion to be extra randomly focused.
Soiled cheat ranking: 
Morbidelli to do a ‘Capirossi’
If there’s one factor Franco Morbidelli’s nice at then it’s actually not MotoGP. But it surely is perhaps crashing into different riders while displaying a common ‘out of his depth’ angle. A ‘Franky Particular’ into flip one may see the seat-hogging Italian conveniently smash his approach by to Jorge Marrtin’s hapless carcass into flip one – taking just a few ideas from fellow Italian Loris ‘security commissioner’ Capirossi’s 2006 Catalunya race.
“However wait” you pipe up “Why would Franco assist a rival staff? Certainly he would at all times assist the staff that paid his wages and offered him with the most effective bike on the grid when he clearly didn’t deserve it? Certainly there’s no proof of this ever occurring?”
Effectively there may be truly. Again in 2022 Morbidelli was teammate to Fabio Quartarararararo. Unsurprisingly the Italian had been outclassed all season by the French rider and was caught down in 19th place on the manufacturing unit Yamaha. Fabio, in the meantime, was in a championship struggle with Bagnaia. On the finale at Valencia Quartarararo wanted to win the race and his rival end tenth or decrease to retain his title.
Within the race Pecco was understandably nervous and rode significantly slower than his ordinary tempo. So sluggish, in actual fact, that in the direction of the tip of the race he discovered himself in 9th place and had Franco closing him down.
In 2022 a 9th place would have been Morbidelli’s second greatest consequence – so certainly he would take some time to complete the season on a much less embarrassing word? No. He slowed down by virtually a second a lap making certain his fellow VR46 Neverland Ranch chum Bagnaia completed in entrance of him in 9th and in doing so gave a remaining kick within the tooth to his manufacturing unit Yamaha staff.
Soiled cheat ranking:
Contain Marc Marquez
Yearly on the 8th of November quite a few small communities round Italy carry out a solemn march by their marinara stained streets in honour of the injustice of the 2015 season finale. “Parata della corsa del diavolo” morns the tragic lack of the championship for Valentino Rossi and unites the nation of their collective hatred of the Spanish Antichrist Marc Marquez.
Italy doesn’t neglect.
With that in thoughts we’re unsure how Marquez may have an effect on the championship in Bagnaia’s favour…and even why. However there’s by no means been a wilder wildcard in an MotoGP race this 12 months. One factor is for positive, if Marquez does assist Pecco win it is going to be a really complicated time for the bitter Italians.
Soiled cheat ranking:
Tune down the engine
These previous few races have seemingly proven Bagnaia’s Ducati GP24 go even sooner in comparison with the ‘similar but someway totally different’ bike of Jorge Martin. Not that it’s helped a lot.
Due to this, and the massive deficit Bagnaia must claw again, it could be time for the crafty Bolognaise primarily based staff to remotely tune down Jorge’s GP24 through a sly software program replace. Clearly it might solely occur through the race making certain the staff by no means suspect something. We imagine the code would look one thing like this:
// Add sneaky underhand detune if (date.Now() == "2024-11-17") { // Cut back energy to 90% bike.no(89).maxPower = (default.maxPower * 0.9); } // Foggy smells
Primark Ducati could have no say over this occurring and since they’re buggering off to Yamaha subsequent season Workforce Ducati gained’t be too fussed about pissing them off on an astronomical degree.
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James Toseland grid stroll interview
Now that the World Superbike season is over there’s each worry among the many MotoGP regulars that James Toseland may someway crop up at Catalunya and begin banging on to everybody about how superb Toprak Razgatlıoğlsdfnklasdfj is. However how would the piano enjoying dullard ever get previous safety? A real paddock cross!
Ducati may simply invite James, who would bounce on the likelihood to tell a brand new batch of uninterested followers about Toprak, after which retailer him safely in some sort of delivery container. Then on Sunday, while the MotoGP riders are on the grid, the Englishman could possibly be let loose and instructed by Ducati that Jorge Martin may be very taken with listening to at size about any particular Turkish skills.
The end result could be inevitable. Even essentially the most targeted thoughts would enter ‘protected mode’ after only a few minutes of Toseland’s favorite monotoned monologue. Such an assault would undoubtedly trigger sufficient mind fatigue to see Jorge Martin battle to remain awake through the opening laps.
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Corona virus
The shady skullduggery of our sixth and remaining entry may have already be achieved and it’s simply essentially the most crafty…
Bear in mind Covid? The world-stopping oriental an infection that allowed our leaders to pressure us to comply with strict guidelines that they themselves weren’t following? Effectively it by no means fairly went away.
Now we’ve all used the coronavirus as an excuse to get out of stuff. A boring christening or birthday celebration developing? Then play the “I’ve examined constructive” card. Not solely does it provide you with a free cross to skip any boring occasion but it surely additionally makes you look good by ‘pondering of others’ too.
However there’s a extra sinister facet to this airborne respiratory rascal. Think about if a MotoGP staff, let’s say the manufacturing unit Ducati as a very random instance, had been to contaminate a rival staff’s rider? Then, with a small financial settlement with the officers, they may name a random covid take a look at for all riders and staff members. Anybody failing the take a look at is booted out of the paddock.
However how would a random staff, akin to Manufacturing facility Ducati, infect one other staff? Simple! Easy gown up a Wuhan lab resident in some official Ducati clothes, give him a crappy outdated laptop computer and ship him to test on Jorge Martin’s bike…making certain he breaths out closely on every little thing. Two weeks later – infections all spherical!
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