Two Aussie seagulls, Bazza and Gazza, are perched on a fence at Phillip Island simply after the principle race…
Bazza: “G’day Gazza!”
Gazza: “G’day Bazza! Did you watch the race?”
Bazza: (ruffling his feathers) “I bloody did! That Marquez bloke was goin’ sooner than a whippet with a rocket strapped to its arse! Reckon he might catch a breeze and nonetheless outrun us!”
Gazza: (squinting down on the monitor) “Deadset, mate. He was truthful dinkum flyin’. If I attempted to maintain up with ‘im, I’d be flatter than a frog on the freeway, eh? Bloody hell, I reckon I felt me feathers carry when he ripped previous. That mentioned, he’s no Stoner”
Bazza: (trying suspiciously at Gazza) “You’re too younger to have seen Stoner ‘spherical right here. You’re pulling m’beak mate.”
Gazza: “Narr, m’previous man noticed him. Reckons he was so quick that by the point you heard his bike it was too late – gizzards splattered in every single place. Not an opportunity.”
Bazza: “Crikey! Good job that bastard’s not round anymore.”
Gazza: “Your dad?”
Bazza: “Narr y’daft wanker, Stoner! Though m’previous man’s gone too.”
Gazza: “Ah disgrace. What occurred to the previous galah? Chook flu?”
Bazza (gazing sadly to the heavens): “Narr, nothing as unique as that. He was hit by a touring automobile while in search of scraps on the Southern Loop. Gone faster than kookaburra’s chuckle…”
Gazza: “Bummer. What about that begin? Marquez was flapping round like he’d misplaced his final tinnie!”
Bazza: “Yeah, mate, had me flappin’ everywhere in the joint too! Thought I used to be gonna take off with out even meanin’ to!”
Gazza: “Appears although he spun up on his personal visor tear off!”
Bazza: “No approach!”
Gazza: “As true as I peck m’Sheila round within the nest mate!”
Bazza: “Why did he try this? Hasn’t he seen the Aussie littering guidelines?”
Gazza: “Appears there was a large bug on his visor! Dimension of a wallaby’s ball sack by all accounts”
Bazza (excitedly): “Reckon it’s nonetheless there? I like me a spatchcocked superbug!”
Gazza: “Reckon will probably be! There can be extra guts than a pelican at a fish market.”
Bazza: “Warra racket these bikes make, crikey! Louder than a cockatoo in a footy crowd.”
Gazza: (laughs) “Mate, these engines sound like they’ve swallowed a pack of offended bees! Wouldn’t thoughts ‘avin’ one o’ these bikes meself. I’d be the quickest gull in Oz, little doubt.”
Bazza: (chuckling) “You? On a motorbike? Gazza, you’d be everywhere in the store like a blowie in a breeze! I reckon you’d find yourself wrapped ’spherical a grandstand faster than ya can say ‘Joan Mir.’”
Gazza: (grinning) “Oi, come off it! I’d not fall off each race like him! And I’d be extra of a pure than Morbidelli! Simply must lean in like them fellas do, proper? Straightforward as pie, mate. Thoughts you, I’d look higher with a set o’ sunnies and a leather-based jacket, eh? Be an actual robust bloke—massive dangerous Gazza the Seagull Racer. Like Doohan!”
Bazza: “With out the haircut? Yeah, however you’d must duct-tape your feathers down, otherwise you’d appear to be a chook in a cyclone at full throttle. Keep in mind that time you copped a gust at Bondi and almost flipped into the ocean tryin’ to nick a sausage sanga?”
Gazza: (feathers puffed out) “Oi, that was a rogue gust, alright? May’ve occurred to anybody! However severely, you see Marc round Lukey Heights? The bloke was leanin’ more durable than a bludger on Centrelink day! His shoulder was so near the bottom, thought he was gonna sandpaper that useless rabbit off the monitor!”
Bazza: (shaking his head) “Mad as a lower snake, that one. Almost had the bike layin’ flat like a sunbather on Coogee Seaside. After which he simply gassed it, straight outta the bend like a pelican goin’ for a fish. His block cross on Martin there had m’beak hanging open that’s for certain”
Gazza: “Inform ya what, mate, if I had his abilities, I wouldn’t be wastin’ time down ‘ere nickin’ chips. I’d be racin’ for the massive bucks, loungin’ on a seashore someplace with all-you-can-eat calamari, livin’ the dream!”
Bazza: (laughing) “Yeah, and I’d be your supervisor, mate. I’d deal with all of the exhausting stuff – sponsorship offers, autograph signings, keepin’ the followers off ya. In the meantime, you’d be ridin’ ’around the world, rakin’ it in.”
Gazza: “Too proper! You’d have me rockin’ the rostrum, wings unfold vast, with a trophy in a single claw and a bag of chips within the different. We’d be the discuss of the city, Baz.”
Bazza: (grinning) “A bag of chips? Mate, I reckon you’d ask for an entire fish store to go along with it. What do ya reckon about Jorge Martin? Reckon he’s acquired it within the bag or what? He’s 20 factors forward of Bagnaia now.”
Gazza: (pondering) “Oh yeah, no dramas for him….other than Marc barging previous like he was attempt to get the final Fosters! Martin’s all the time as easy as a possum’s stomach, no wobblin’, no dramas.”
Bazza: “You’re not incorrect mate. Pecco wasn’t in the identical race this weekend. He’s by no means gone effectively down right here. Not sufficient pasta I reckon!”
Gazza: (nodding) “After the race he blamed Alex Marquez for ramming it up his arse in Indonesia! Says that’s why he’s to this point behind within the championship.”
Bazza: (laughing) “Blaming the Marquez household? He actually has graduated from the VR46 Academy!
Gazza: (additionally now laughing) “With flying colors! Strewth although! Did you see the Bezza and Vinales crash yesterday? Almost regurgitated up m’lunch! Worse than that point we ended up tangled in some bloke’s hoodie and almost turned roadkill.”
Bazza: “Jeez Louise! Mav was offended!”
Gazza: “Wilder than a bloke tryna steal a footy from a pack of rowdy ‘roos. I wouldn’t have even gone close to ‘im. Reckon that Mav’s gotta have a number of kangaroos unfastened within the high paddock, eh?””
Bazza: “Too proper. Our bloke Miller was a bit disappointing. Undecided why he’s acquired a nook named after him”
Gazza: “Yeah. However the KTM’s had been all sluggish. Disgrace to see our bikes struggling”
Bazza: “Our bikes?”
Gazza: “Yeah they’re Australian”
Bazza: “Oh, strewth, Gazza! You’re a deadset drongo! They’re Austrian!! That’s a unique place – different aspect of the island no less than!”
Gazza: “I all the time figured that’s why Jack rode ‘em! Makes me really feel higher. Disgrace Acosta didn’t trip in the present day. Bashed his wings up good and correct I heard.”
Bazza: “Received some abilities that lad – however crashes greater than a cluck caught in a windstorm!”
Gazza: “Yeah, however they’ve acquired nothin’ on us in the case of talent, Bazza. We’ve been dodgin’ fishin’ strains, snatchin’ chips outta mid-air, and outmanoeuvrin’ children with ice lotions for years. We’re the actual deal!”
Bazza: “Too proper, mate! We’re the highest of the meals chain—effectively, in the case of nickin’ stuff, anyway.”
Gazza: (nodding) “Ah, talking of nickin’ stuff, I’m famished! Been watchin’ these blokes tear ’spherical all day, and I haven’t had a crumb to me identify. Reckon we might swoop all the way down to the meals stalls and see what we will scab?”
Bazza: (Setting off to fly) “No mate. Off to the monitor to see if I can discover that superbug caught on Marc’s visor!”
Gazza: (Watching him fly off) “Catch you in a bit!”
A 3rd seagull enters simply as bike flashes by.
Gazza: “G’day Tazza!”
Tazza: “G’day Gazza!”
Gazza: (Wanting shocked) “Crikey, Tazza, did ya see that bloke tear previous on the straight? Honest dinkum, thought I used to be gonna lose me feathers, mate! Who was it?”
Tazza: “That was Stoner mate! Doing a little promotional laps!”
Gazza: “Stoner? Oh crap…Bazza’s on the market! Maintain m’stubbie Tazza! BAZZA!! BAZZA!!”
In loving reminiscence of Bazza