In information that can shock completely no one the 2024 Kazakh GP has been cancelled and changed with a much more predictable race.
What? Can we return to the start?
Positive. The Kazakhstan GP was first dreamt up in 2022. Dorna, in an effort to please DEI drivel, got here up with the next nonsensical standards wanted for a brand new race:
- Climate is chilly and moist
- Locals are worryingly easy but indignant and put on garments that make them look ridiculous
- Locals even have unhealthy tooth and breath.
- Nobody understands the dialect.
- Positioned in the midst of a barren wasteland
Utilizing the above standards Knockhill in Scotland was the apparent selection. Nonetheless the occasion was stated to conflict with the Highland’s Miss McHairyLegs Bagpipe bladder pageant so Dorna as a substitute determined to award the contract to an unbuilt monitor in the midst of Kazakhstan. This additionally meant the proposed occasion would have the added bonus of the potential for fragments from a failed Soyuz rocket launch raining down onto proceedings.
2022? So what occurred?
The race was deliberate to go forward in 2023 overlooking the ‘nearly insignificant’ element of Kazakhstan having to construct a complete monitor and amenities inside 12 months. This was stated to be a straightforward activity because the nation would use provides from this month’s Hare Krishna evictees.
Sadly although it quickly turned obvious that as a substitute of constructing a monitor the artful locals had spent most of their time consuming testicle soup inside a yurt and racing saiga antelopes between marshes.
So it was cancelled?
Unsurprisingly sure. Nonetheless Dorna had been assured that this was only a technical setback and that the race would 100% undoubtedly go forward in 2024 and even supplied them with a drone picture proving it:
So was it completed?
In fact not. As a substitute of constructing a monitor the artful locals this time spent most of their time wrestling one another of their y-fronts within the rain. Nonetheless the circuit house owners had a crafty trick up their sleeves and claimed that their monitor had been flooded in a freak ‘completely common for this time of yr’ rainstorm. The flooding was claimed to have ‘washed away many points of the circuit to the purpose the place it appeared that these areas had by no means been began within the first place’.
So it was cancelled once more?
In fact! Nonetheless the foolhardy monitor house owners claimed that with out the flood the circuit would have been 100% completed and can be completed once more later within the yr. It was to be a fib that might sadly chew them on their malnutritioned arses…
What occurred?
The Indian GP was cancelled.
What? And why?
The Indian GP – essentially the most forgettable and pointless race on the MotoGP calendar. It was cancelled when, unsurprisingly once more, the race organisers turned out to be ‘a bit dodgy’ most likely funnelling their funds by a rip-off name centre.
The cancelled race meant that Dorna, displaying the aptitude of an egg sporting a hat, thought it could be a fantastic thought to present the race, that was scheduled for September, again to Kazakhstan.
And let me guess, the monitor nonetheless wasn’t completed?
Appropriate. As a substitute the locals had simply sat round consuming oatmeal and beefing in regards to the UK Authorities…oh cling on that’s Knockhill once more…
Anyway, the Kazakh occasion ended up being cancelled for the 50th time and Dorna stated that they might solely belief them a couple of extra occasions. Possibly ten.
So the place now?
The moved, cancelled, moved, cancelled Kazakhstan occasion has been changed with a much more predictable race in Italy at Misano.
Hurrah! However don’t we have already got a race there?
Sure! And that’s the most effective bit. The second race, that shall be renamed the ‘Emilio Estevez GP’, shall be run two weeks after the precise Misano race. This could enable all of the groups to have loads of knowledge guaranteeing that the racing is as uninteresting and predictable as doable.
All’s properly that ends properly then?
Not fairly. The second race on the 22nd of September will conflict with the Italian spherical of the World Superbikes being held on the Crematorium Circuit. Up till this yr nobody had watched World Superbikes because the mid 90’s nonetheless this season has seen an enormous bump in viewers. The elevated curiosity is especially due to WSBK being the one world championship that Ducati are getting overwhelmed in – due to the abilities of Toprak Razgatlıasbhwqwe18erfashgfrweqaAR on the crappy BMW.
So, all in all, it’s a whole screw up?
Technically sure.
