Unique: KTM To Debut New [cardboard] Chassis In Qatar

We will completely reveal that the manufacturing facility KTM staff shall be utilizing their long-awaited cardboard chassis within the opening spherical of the 2024 MotoGP collection in Qatar.

A New Growth

Historically, bike chassis have been make of metal. Advances in know-how led first to aluminium after which to carbon fibre frames. KTM are main the best way within the subsequent step: cardboard development.

A senior KTM supply, chatting with us from his wheelchair beneath the strict situation of anonymity, defined the explanation for the Austrian marque’s new growth.

Some know-it-all on the web has been mocking us for our lack of ability to win dry races, simply because our MotoGP staff solely wins in loopy moist races which might be a complete lottery. However now we are able to show this disreputable loudmouth improper. Our new [cardboard] chassis can not probably win within the moist as it would get all soggy and disintegrate. Logically which means that our bike is totally optimized for dry operating.*

*[Quote from secret KTM insider completely fabricated to increase word count]

Setup struggles?

Paddock rumours have it that the brand new [cardboard] chassis is difficult to arrange, and that the KTM riders have struggled to get the cling of the bike in pre-season testing.

We requested Jack Miller about these points, and the Aussie had this to say:

The brand new [cardboard] chassis has entombed us in a labyrinth of potential aerodynamic configurations, bereft of cartographical help. From a non secular perspective, I float adrift in a Kafkaesque maelstrom of existential zugzwang.*

*[Jack Miller quote lightly edited to fit word count]

Inner tensions at KTM?

There have been rumours amongst journalists that KTM have been clamping down on the reporting of those technical issues. On the Qatar take a look at, one in every of KTM’s PR staff was seen chasing an aged journalist down pitlane, brutally pelting him with cans of sickly, bubblegum-tasting Crimson Donkey vitality drink.

Once we requested KTM to elucidate this incident, one in every of their PR moppets despatched us this assertion:

KTM’s PR staff put quite a lot of effort into [fabricating] quotes from our [monosyllabic] riders that faithfully mirror [company propaganda]. As well as, we additionally spend numerous hours [browbeating] our [bored and surly] riders to help them in [spouting inane corporate drivel] and [telling lies] to the media.

We have been due to this fact appalled to see {that a} [rambling] quote from one in every of our [barely coherent] riders had been [accurately summarized] by [some lowly peon] of the press, and took acceptable motion.*

*[Quote from KTM’s PR moppet lightly edited to remove ambiguity in original text.]

Abstract

It’s an thrilling time for MotoGP know-how. In just a few years this new [cardboard] chassis know-how will certainly trickle all the way down to client bikes.