There are a variety of issues incorrect with MotoGP proper now. Effectively, just one factor, actually. The aero-squat technical guidelines. However we’re caught with these for an additional few seasons. Nonetheless, there may be one main enchancment that MotoGP can introduce instantly.
Monkeys.
Plenty of monkeys.
However how can the MotoGP sequence be extra inclusive to our simian cousins?
Monkey Riders
Why are there no monkeys driving MotoGP bikes? There was an impassioned plea from our AI-generated model of esteemed journo David Emmett on this very website to embrace monkey riders, and we agree with each phrase of it. Dani Pedrosa was the scale of a juvenile howler monkey whereas Garry McCoy regarded virtually precisely like one, and so they had been each superior. Plus as a substitute of giving bland, company solutions to awkward questions in press conferences, the monkey riders would begin screeching and hurling their droppings on the media.
Verdict
This measure ought to be launched instantly.
Monkey Mechanics
What might be extra hilarious than seeing a bunch of monkeys making ready and repairing MotoGP bikes? Plus, bike swaps could be painfully humorous because the riders needed to shoo varied monkeys off the spare bike earlier than driving off. Additionally, if an particularly moody rider like Aleix or Bez stomped into the storage after a nasty session and began throwing his gloves and crash helmet across the place, the monkeys would reply by hurling their very own droppings again, which might be priceless.
Verdict
Ought to be trialled initially in Moto3.
Monkey Journalists
MotoGP journos insist on asking the identical outdated questions on a regular basis. And when a rider stonewalls them with monosyllabic solutions, all of the journos do is make snarky remarks on their podcasts a number of days later. Monkey journalists could be rather more entertaining as they’d reply to a rider’s bland responses by throwing their droppings at him.
Verdict
Wouldn’t make sufficient of a distinction to be well worth the bother.
Monkey Press Officers
MotoGP PR varieties spend half their time ingratiating themselves with the media and the opposite half of the time screeching that the media misrepresented their riders’ bird-brained “considering out loud” quotations. Monkeys would skip the ingratiating half and spend the whole time screeching and hurling their droppings at journalists.
Verdict
KTM have already adopted this measure, with blended outcomes.
Monkey Crew Chiefs
A part of the explanation why MotoGP is such a sleep lately is that the crew chiefs are simply too good. The winner’s bike is normally rattling close to good, so all of the chump has to do is cruise round preserving his tyres. Monkey crew chiefs would make bike set-up hilariously random, letting the expertise of the very best riders shine via.
Verdict
Ought to be tried on one of many satellite tv for pc Ducati groups with instant impact.
Conclusion
There are far too few monkeys concerned in MotoGP. Till the key technical rule replace in 2027, monkeys ought to be launched into all roles so as to enhance the leisure worth. Dorna’s new Yank advertising and marketing bloke ought to get proper on it.
